Our Next Big Adventure...

Guess what?

It's time for our next big adventure!

Ready or not, a little Stoicu is headed our way and we're so grateful.

Even though I am all about sharing authentically on the internet, this feels a little strange. We've known a big change is coming for a while now and we've loved having as many in person conversations, phone calls and visits to share the news as possible. There's something very special about sharing news this big and engaging in the responses that people we love have. This is something that I think is often lost with the need to instantly share our experiences with the world. I know it is 2017 and everything gets shared through social media, but it feels a little weird to break this seal.  We're currently sitting at a coffee shop having the conversation about pressing "post". I'm like, "I am a photographer, blogger and moment sharer.. I have to." and he's sharing his process of hesitance and the significance and personal aspect of this journey. And I am so glad he is. I love that together we can question the norms, how we want to do things and what matters to us.

So, we're inviting you into this journey. And we're excited about the support and love that comes from how we can share with our broad community. That is super meaningful to us. But we're also sharing that there is more to this moment than, "Hurry, lets tell the world".

There are conversations about how everything will change, the different fears we have, longings we can't wait for, unknowns around each corner and exciting milestones. There are hugs, tears, bursts of excitement and fun conversations with those we love. There are prayers. And now begins the conversation of how social media will affect our kid(s) and our responsibility in that area.

So with this fun news comes a little back story to the authentic journey that comes with making an announcement like this. Social media allows such beautiful connections but may we find significance in the moments we experience, not just the ones we "share".

More to come on this journey but for now, arriving in our home February 2018...

#MarriageMonday: Today we fought over the...

... Trash Can Lid.

Yup. That was most of our morning (As I wrote this the other day). A fight over the trash can lid. You're probably thinking, "How do you fight over that?" Well, you really don't. It seems that way, but it's actually about something else.

What did we really fight over? Being hurt.

Charles was so kindly making eggs for us. I was kindly removing laundry from the dryer and placing our kitchen rug back where it belongs. Go us. However, these efforts collided. I closed the trash can lid (so that I could get the rug from behind it) and he was mid effort to throw away egg shells. We were both tried and grumpy. We're both dealing some hurt in our lives (past and present) and they aligned just right. He felt like I chose to get in his way and disrupt his effort. He made a grouchy comment (which is usually my game) and I felt like he didn't appreciate my laundry efforts.

What we were really saying, "I am hurt, reacted poorly and need some extra love today".

But you know, it wasn't that simple today. And we were mad at each other. And it wasn't fun. It's really about the worst way to start the day but I am grateful we resolved it before parting ways.

I needed to hear the core of what he was saying (without directly saying it) and he needed to hear mine. It wasn't really about he trash can lid. I lean towards logical but I had to turn that off and hear his heart, what's really going on. And in that space we offer grace for each other.

This morning, in the kitchen, extra grace was needed.

Where do you need extra grace?
Where can you give extra grace?

Sometimes all it takes is expressing what we really need. And sometimes that is hard.
But that is worth it.

Deep breath, y'all. Exhale grace. 

Blue Jay Getaway | Lake Arrowhead, CA

This past weekend we got to spend three days in a familiar and special place; a friend's cabin in Blue Jay, Ca. It is such a joy to spend slow, restful time in a place that feels like home.

I have done ministry weekends, getaways with friends and snowboarding trips to this cabin. It has also been a super special place for Charles and I. I threw him a surprise birthday party at The Cabin while we were dating. We spent a day there with friends after a long weekend of Easter services. And my favorite, Charles proposed to me there with all the best details & fully surprised me (which is so, so hard to do).

On the first day of our long anticipated summer vacation in July my husband's father passed away. This was nothing short of hard and continued a process of grief we'd been in for a while and still are. This definitely changed things for the way vacation unfolded and it wasn't exactly filled with ease. When we came home we knew we needed to plan another getaway; something that involved less driving, a familiar place and cooler weather. THE CABIN! Our sweet friends are so generous to let this be like a second home to us and we couldn't wait to put it on the calendar.

Once we arrived I realized it was almost exactly 4 years to the day we got engaged in this special place (10.19.2012).

(Thanks to Kyle White for hanging out in a tree in the dark to capture these moments)

Our weekend was filled was lots of slow. We read (him more than me), starred outside as the clouds revealed and hid the lake, walked in the leaves and made meals. We sipped on lots of coffee, watched a little TV and left space for nothing, margin.

 We made daily trips to the best little store, Jensen's. They even had beer tasting for $3 as we arrived. The perfect post traffic treat.

Breakfast, my favorite. Featuring pumpkin pancakes and a warm fire. 

For reals, right after this photo he inhaled a leaf I threw and choked really bad. It wasn't pretty. Oops. 

This is where we sat after our friends left the weekend we got engaged. This is where I realized we were going to pick a date and plan our wedding. We ate donuts and prayed for what was next. We sat here four years later remembering that moment and how significant it was. 

It was pretty perfect. Well, for the most part, until we got a bad phone call on our last day. My new baby nephew had fought really hard but wasn't going to make it. My heart sank. And is filled with heavy. I don't know why, but sometimes this is how life goes. And this is how much of our year feels. Heavy. Hard. Challenging. And I can only imagine the pain my Brother and Sister-in-law feel.

I am so thankful for my husband and that we get to navigate the fun and the way less fun together.  And for the tribe of people we have to navigate life with. The people who sit with us in the heavy, that offer support, that pray, that let us be messy. I cherish these people, especially in the midst of hard. May we be those people, too.

Jesus, may we trust in your goodness in whatever each day brings.
Especially when some days suck. A lot of days.
May live a life of gratitude.

MarriageMonday: "Woah, you guys _________"

We were talking marriage with an engaged friend recently. We're pretty open with our journey and life so when we mentioned out time in counseling with a friend I was surprised when he responded with, "Woah, I didn't know you went to counseling." Maybe it put us in a different category in his mind or maybe it was a sigh of relief to hear that even those you look up to have their junk.

Fill in the blank:

"Whoa, you guys:

• fight (like call each other not so nice names kinda fight)
• ignore each other for your phones
• put other people/things above each other
• have gone to counseling
• struggle with intimacy (that doesn't just mean sex)
• go to bed angry
• wake up angry
• and so on...

Often times I like to throw our messy out there. Sometimes it is because I don't want my people getting the wrong idea (that we are anything close to perfect). Social media does a good job of making people think everyone else has it good. Often it is because we work with college kids and the last thing I want is them deeming "#relationshipgoals" on us. I mean, I am flattered, but that just isn't the full story.

Have you ever watched someone you admired? They do everything right. They treat people well. They keep their home tidy. They go on adventures. They eat the right things. They parent nicely. Whatever it is. It looks glamorous, good, perfect. BUT then you get a little glimpse into the messy and you are relieved. Relieved they aren't actually perfect. Relieved you are a little more like them then you believed.

Well, be relieved here people.

Marriage isn't always pretty. Marriage isn't always exciting. Marriage isn't always easy.

What relationship is? If yours is, good for you (and good luck convincing me).

We've been to counseling. Twice. Once just after our first year of dating. Again about a year into marriage. They were for different reasons and not because we hated each other. But why isn't the point. The point is that we needed some help. We needed some unbiased support. We needed counseling.

We fight, a lot. I am stubborn, often right (so I think), easy worked up, hangry (this has really caused fights) and so on. We communicate differently. We miss each other. We get short with each other when we are busy, exhausted and stressed.

Our first year was filled with big decisions we didn't know how to make together. We disagreed a lot. We fought a lot. It sucked a lot.

So what do you do when you feel like you've got more junk than you'd like?
Of course, it depends, but here's some guidelines we've valued:

1. Choose each other. Sure, your person isn't perfect. But you committed for a reason (well, reasons). Remember that. Choosing takes discipline. Choosing helps adjust your attitude. Choosing values your person above temporary feelings. 
2. Share. Please don't keep it in. Communicate with your person. Let your feelings be heard. Hear theirs. Learn to speak each others language.  
3. Enlist the support of your tribe. Who are your people? Who do you trust? Who will tell you the truth (not just what you want to hear)? Who will lift you (and your spouse) up? Call/text/enjoy a glass of wine/spend time with that person. We're not always rational when we're heated or defeated. The perspective of those we trust can be pivotal. 
4. Have Fun. Make time for fun. Have date nights. Plan getaways (quarterly, yearly). Be engaged as you ask about your persons day. Pursue the things you enjoy together (or the things your person enjoys). This isn't easy when life is heavy but it is so valuable to keep the connection and intimacy alive. 
5. Spend time in God's word/praying. For me it is often journaling or taking a walk. I put this one last. Not because it should be but because often that is how I (maybe we) function. I go through my list of options/resources and my last thought is, "Hey, I should stop and pray about this." Lame indeed. But I am human. And I struggle with this. But I also know how valuable this time and discipline it. 

I like this picture of us from a recent trip because it isn't perfect. It isn't well posed or planned and my hair is weird, but it is us. 

Less focus on how cool other people look.
Less focus on the way other people live.
Less focus on what they have or don't have.
More focus on what you've got and making it the best.

Marriage Mondays: Preserve & Propel

We just celebrated our 3rd anniversary.
This month has has a lot of celebration and we're kinda tired. But we put some nice(r) clothes on, picked some favorite places and walked to drinks, dinner & dessert. We reminisced, talked through some desires we have for our future, things we see that could be around the corner and dreamed a little. But lets be real, most of it revolved around good food (Our picks: Hopscotch for a cocktail, Stubricks for dinner and Burger Parlor for a Milkshake).

This was also our first weekend home this month and it was needed.

Saturday morning we walked to coffee ready to reflect a little more, write things down, dream and make some plans. It was nice to just to create space for conversation around us and whatever came up. It started slow... like, "What should we talk about?" but evolved into a great conversation.

We haven't done this before (even though I love traditions) but we decided to start a journal where we keep these things written down. We picked 3 topics:

- Highlights of year three
- Dreams for year four
- New rhythms to implement

We listed things for each.
Highlights like trips we took, shifts we've seen in our marriage, moments we loved, etc.
Dreams like a puppy (I can't quit), our summer vacation and more I can't list here. They are dreams, but who knows... you gotta write 'em down!
and new Rhythms like putting out TV away for a month, limiting clutter so home could feel more homey, phone restrictions, friendships we want to invest more time into and the way we rest.

I think each of these areas are key. Some fun looking back, sharing memories, reliving fond moments. Also some accessing areas that need attention, making tweaks and shifting things. But also dreaming, looking forward, sharing desires with each other.

Maybe it is the achiever in me but I really loved the new rhythms talk. I never want to look back and be like, "Shoot, we should have paid attention to that area and done something different way sooner". I loved making space to evaluate, understand each others' needs and make changes. Intentional is probably one of my favorite words. And this was just that. I am glad for what it brings for this year. I am glad for ways we can love each other better. I am glad for new.

Do you slow down to reflect and refine? Whatever stage of life you are in, I think it is a great tool.
If you don't, it's not too late to start.

Pick a few valuable areas (ex: health, pace, dreams, goals, contentment...) and lean in.
Ask questions.
Evaluate.
Pursue new.

Some Mondays are for the Mundane

We do #AdventureMonday around here. It is our full day off together and the day we typically plan something fun... the mountains, a new coffee shop, camping, walking to our favorite spot for brunch, etc. But some Mondays aren't so adventure filled. Some Mondays are a little more mundane. Does it mean I am getting old if I like these days more and more?

Today was more of the mundane:
We slept in and then decided to roll out of bed and go to Mother's Market for breakfast. We've been wanting to do that. Then we strolled the aisles just looking at the yummy treats.
We then made an exchange at Nordstrom Rack.
Then we decided to stop at Target for a few key items. This turned into Charles picking out many rounds of outfits for me to try on and living with little "needed" items.
We came home, watched some MadMen, went on a walk and made dinner.

Nothing magnificent, right?

But it was great.

• Our slow morning was so needed.
• Breakfast was lovely. No real agenda but great conversation about the people we love in our ministry, challenges, vacation ideas, and so on. 
• Target was fun! I don't really like browsing/shopping but Charles does and he picks out things I wouldn't and encourages me to enjoy and pick out something I like. 
• Mellow time at home was so needed and recharging for the week ahead. 
• On our neighborhood walk we peeked in homes for sale (as if we could remotely buy here) and admired spring flowers and such. 

So, here's to the mundane days. 

The days with space for conversation. 

The days with no agenda. 

The days spent content on the couch. 

The days just enjoying the little things. 

So, what are the mundane things you love?

Habits & Investing.

How do you invest in your marriage? 

What habits have you built?

Maybe you have one of those smooth sailing type of marriages (and life).
I'd be willing to bet most of us don't. I know we do not.

Typically that means marriage (and life) takes work. You know, things like:
"You get what you give"
"Invest in the return desired"
"You reap what you sow"
"Work at it"
Etc.

I fully believe marriage is a huge and ongoing investment.

Two people coming together is a unique, dare I say, miracle. It is beautiful. But it is work. Sometimes it is a one of a kind union that shows glimpses of God's profound love. Sometimes it looks more like an all out battle with the evil one. Sometimes it is the gift of sharing in the everyday. No matter what it looks like for you or in this season, I am confident it requires work. Not just when things are tough. But the preventative, proactive kind of work.

So what does that look like?

We're far from the best at this but here are some things we've established:

• TIME TOGETHER. Some weeks are crazier than others but we have to check in with each other and make sure we are both getting the quality time we need. Regular date nights, lazy nights on the couch, drop everything so we can be together and deal with life or a quick lunch between our work schedules. The amount of time we have ebbs and flows but we have to make sure it exists. 
• GROWING TOGETHER. Sometimes this is reading our own books over coffee and sharing the highlights. Sometimes this is working through a new learning together. Sometimes this is being in God's Word together (I'll admit bringing our own time with God together is often lacking). Sometimes it is emailing each other an article that challenged us and discussing it. It is keeping the dialogue open and desire to learn more alive. 
• COMMUNITY. We so believe in inviting others in. We both need this personally and in our marriage. Whether it is a mentor, couple friends, our trusted peers, etc. We have a group of friends we meet with every 6 weeks or so (with the fancy name "Nuptialized") for dinner. This is such a need and gift. We rotate homes and all contribute to the meal and conversation. Sometimes it is light and fun. Sometimes it is heavy and hard. Sometimes it is practical like financial planning and meal planning, sometimes it is how to handle loss and transition. No matter what it is so valuable to have friendship, consistency and support. It is also the friends who share out living room, meals, double dates and game nights, phone calls and FaceTime sessions. Can you tell this one is important to me? 
• TIME AWAY. We've made it a priority to get away. Whether it is 1-2 nights camping, a day trip, a visit with friends who live out of town or a mini vacay. This is a monthly things for us. Sure we will probably miss some but we'll make up for it. Time in a new space where we don't have laundry, grocery shopping, NetFlix and normal is vital. 
• CELEBRATIONS. Life has plenty of hard but the good calls for celebrating. This includes the small wins like a great meeting at work, losing 5 lbs., a fun new idea and time with friends. But it is also the big wins and the milestones like anniversaries, overcoming personal hurdles, healing from past junk, raises, new jobs, and so on. We have photos taken every year, we document moments, we go to our favorite places, we buy/make each other special gifts. 
• MARRIAGE CONFERENCE. This has been a yearly things for us. We found a great conference to attend our first year of marriage (things were challenging and it sounded wise). Since then we've made it a part of our normal rhythm. It is pretty local and really affordable. We get a 1 night stay near the conference and enjoy the getaway, wisdom from the speakers, debriefing together and with friends and our time. Not to mention the preventative/repair opportunity it brings. What can we learn for our future? What can we tweak? What can we heal? How can we love each other better?

Speaking of... If you are in Southern California the conference we attend and recommend is coming up! March 10-11, 2016. It is super affordable and a great way to get away and connect. It is honest, funny, engaging and wise. It is such a great investment. Check out all the details HERE. I don't share this because I am getting anything but rather than it is a great opportunity and I wanted you to know about it. They even have group discounts (grab some friends) and ministry discounts. 

This was going to be a quick post about the habit we've formed of attending a Marriage Conference and the importance of investing in your marriage but it grew a bit. Whoops. I just have a lot of thoughts about how important this topics is so there you have it!

So,

How do you invest in your marriage? 

What habits have you built?

Here's a look at some of ours:

A table, friends and food. 
 
Get-a-ways with my love.   
A promise to each other from our first marriage conference & our last photo session  
Morning coffee & Date Night strolls downtown.

Valentine's Day = 6 out of 10.

You know when things don't always go as hoped or planned?
This photo came out about as awesome as our Valentine's Day:


You guys, our first Valentine's Day was a disaster. We had been dating about 3 months and he thought I was going to break with him after our long car ride home. But that is a story for another time. We've come a long way with learning about each others expectations, desires and needs. Yay us! There is hope.

So fast forward to last week, Valentine's Day 2016. We didn't have major plans going into Valentine's Day but Charles let me know he'd come up with something and he'd fill me in later. It sounded like we were headed out of town (which I love) so I was stoked. Whatever we were doing, I was game. We're mostly on the same page now with these kind of things.

On Sunday after work he told me the plan - we were headed to Palm Springs for two nights. I was pretty stoked. It was different than where we usually go, wasn't a super far drive and sounded relaxing. And I love that he came up with a plan and took care of the details. Off we go..

Ok, this is where things get less than ideal.

Our stay: 7 out of 10.
The hotel was sub par and not as expected. But that's ok. It wasn't bad and we're not that fancy.
Dinner: 5 out of 10.
We roamed the main street for Dinner and had some differing opinions on dinner options (whole 30 makes this tough).
We ended up picking a pretty cool looking Burger Bar but once we got upstairs it was more like a sports bar with mediocre atmosphere. They reeled me in at "Grass Fed Beef" but then they lost me.
We then has the worst customer service we've ever had. Rude, disappeared, wouldn't give us "greens" instead of "lettuce, etc. First time we haven't left a tip. Judge if you want, he was straight up mean and that's not cool. But we made the most of it and continued to roam the area and people watch (there's some good people watching in Palm Springs).
We made plans to redeem this dinner fiasco with breakfast (my fav). We picked out an awesome looking spot and enjoyed the rest of a mellow evening.
Breakfast: 6 out of 10
Turns out they are closed on Mondays. Shoot. We picked spot number 2. I am hot and hungry (bad combo) and they let us know there is a 45 min wait (crap, it is a holiday). But then we think, maybe spot number 1 is open since it is a Holiday. HOORAY, it is! But now it is a longer walk than expected. It also has a 30 minute wait.
Now we start to bicker. I am hungry (never good) and the frustration of our less than awesome dining experiences is setting in. But we shake it off and decide to just kind of wait, in mostly silence.
HOORAY, the seat us after a 5 minute wait.
Ok, cute place and pretty good food but overpriced, trying to be too fancy, the owner was walking around carrying a dog and people were weird. But I am fed and happy.

We then relaxed in the afternoon, picked a WAY BETTER dinner place that had an early bird special for a $20 three course meal and spent a lazy evening watching the Grammys.

Ok, so why did I walk you through all of this?

As far as the plans we made, Valentine's Day was kind of a dud. Nothing to write home about (or instagram about) in the sense of the usual things like a fancy dinner, a great experience, endless laughing together, etc.

And there have been plenty of times that those not so awesome pieces would have ruined it all together for me. I would have been disappointed he didn't know more about the hotel or bummed we didn't pick a nicer dinner place and frustrated things can't just go awesome, etc. I can be pretty serious about my expectations. And lets be real, the comparison game is strong on a day like Valentine's Day. The thoughts like, "Look how happy they look", "They did _________ together", "He got her ________" can take over.

 But my expectations have shifted and I am so thankful for this.

My husband is so good to me. But the way he is good to me is unique and doesn't always look like what everyone else has.
It is the small moments that are a part of our everyday that speak the loudest...
It is the way he offers grace. It is the way he speaks to me.
It is the fun nights we have on the couch at home.
It is the times he shows up to visit me at work.
It is spending his whole Saturday doing an art walk with me.
It is the way he believes in me and sees good in me.
It is the way he cherishes our marriage and works at it.
And so much more.

I am confident I will look back and it wont be the grand gestures or fancy getaways that mean the most. It'll be the longevity of us choosing each other. It'll be the way we grow individually and together. It'll be the way we invested in our family, future children and close friends. It'll be the way we reveal Jesus to each other.

Can I challenge you?

Notice the small things and say "Thank you" to your spouse.
Choose one small but intentional way to love your spouse this week.
Don't compare your relationship to that of strangers on Instagram (or even friends).
Build into the longevity of your marriage. What will last? Focus on those things. 
Communicate. Unmet expectations = frustrations. So fill them in on what you need/want.

All in all, we had a great time together.
Was it flawless? No way. Was it really great time with the one I love? Indeed. 

I am thankful for who he is and that we get to navigate life together. Even when it is less than glorious.


The romantic sunset - it really was beautiful.


Our super mediocre dinner and some strolling through downtown:
 

We found great coffee and a way better dinner the second time around:
 

The beautiful view on our final day & tram ride to the top:


And quality time with my best friend. That is what I love.

 

When two become four.

It is #MarriageMonday and this topic has been popping up in my mind again and again.

This isn't about finding out your having twins. 

You know when you go to a friend's wedding and before you even get home you get a Facebook notification that "so and so" and "so and so" changed their relationship to "Married"?
And then a picture of them entering their honeymoon suite pops up.
And then a thank you to their parents or people who helped is posted.
And then a picture of their new rings.

I get it. It is ALL so exciting. I love celebrating things big or small. And I love sharing moments through photos.

But I have a great idea. Ready?

1. Take the photos of the cool moments: A selfie in the car, getting to your honeymoon suite, something you can't post on social media, breakfast in bed, etc.

2. Wait.

I know, it is crazy.

What if you just let those moments be moments you shared?

I mean these are what we hope are once in a life time new moments with your new spouse. Maybe the best way to enjoy them is to just soak them up, together. Just you and your spouse. Not 1,114 Facebook friends and 1,500 Instagram followers. Not with affirmation that these moments are special because people comment, "Wow, how special! have fun! xoxo." but maybe because you are present in the moment, debrief these new milestones together and save the audience affirmation for later.

I loved that for our honeymoon we were out the the country and didn't have full use of our phones (although wifi makes it too easy to be connected almost anywhere). We still had to decide that while we might agree to post one photo on our honeymoon (ok maybe two) to share our excitement and journey, we wouldn't check our phone notifications. We moved on. We were present in the moments we were experiencing. I mean this is pretty much the one time everyone leaves you alone and understands that you "check out" of normal life. SOAK - THAT - UP. Cherish each small, new, big, special, funny, exciting, weird moment.

I wish I could say that intentionality continued into our home flawlessly. Sometimes it is there, sometimes it just isn't. I know I need to work on where my attention goes.

If you are getting married soon, can I recommend you make a plan to leave your phone out of your honeymoon?

 

I understand if you have someone you need to check in with (sometimes family stuff happens or people need us).
But Instagram doesn't need you.
Facebook doesn't need you.
Your BFF doesn't "need" updates from you.

Lets all practice some delayed gratification in this area while we are present in the gratification of what has taken place - Two becoming One. Marriage. Union. Sharing a new space. A first true vacation. Waking up next to your spouse. Whatever it maybe. It is sacred. It is special. And it deserve space. The world will do a great job of denying us margin, presence and significance but we can decide to kick things off on a different, full and rich pace.

Then, share your highlights. Post an update. Welcome the world back in.
You can do it. It'll be worth it.

I loved our honeymoon. But life kicked us in the pants as soon as we got home making me all the more grateful for the presence and newness experienced in those 7 days.

Plus, marriage is such a fresh beginning. Why not kick it off in the best way and allow those intentional choices to bleed into your new life together?

Side note: Aw, I forgot what my man looks like without a beard. He's cute that way, too! 

Marriage Mondays: less magic, still meaningful.

I love Mondays.
For many years I have had them off of work and it is great having them off together with my husband. Sometimes we do our own thing, sometimes we go on an adventure, sometimes we stay in our sweat pants all day. Sometimes we're exhausted and they aren't that fun. Sometimes they become dedicated to conflict resolution or things we have to take care of. But I am grateful for the space they allow.

During our first week of official dating, Charles joined me to pick out my 2010 tree. His excitement to do this festive activity was a good sign.

Last Monday we picked out our tree. Yay! I love tree time.

We went to the tree lot we got out tree at last year, took a fun photo and we're out in less than 5 minutes. It was one of the quickest tree picking outings we've had and it felt kind of sad. I realized it was kind of anti climatic (no deep browsing, no trip to another lot, no magic moment). We perused, picked, payed and left. I had this moment of feeling like it was supposed to feel more special. Like it did when we were dating or like it looks from what you see from others on instagram. But pretty quickly I realized this was how it really is supposed to be (for us at least). I really love getting a tree with my husband and all the festivities that follow it but they aren't what they were the first time. And they aren't what I see others experience. But that is good.

When we got married, despite my not so fairytale like expectations of marriage, I quickly discovered how my expectations were indeed off. Our "honeymoon phase" ended quickly with potential job changes/moves, disagreeing on big decisions, personal struggles surfacing and more. I really thought we'd have magical moments of breakfast in bed, easy intimacy and easy communication (subconsciously of course). We worked so hard and didn't live in La La Land. But ya know, being married isn't smooth sailing all the time and that's just reality.

So, we got out tree. We drove to two Home Depot stores to find the lights we wanted. I was super hungry. But we got festive coffee drinks and enjoyed the simple but special time decorating together. And then we've enjoyed plugging in our tree daily.

So maybe some moments are super special and significant, even defining. Maybe some are just normal, ya know, like normal is supposed to be. I am thankful for what comes with normal. Things like comfort just as you are, traditions, simple nights on the couch, truth and encouragement like you need because you are known... things like that.

Less "magical" but still so meaningful.

Merry Christmas time, friends!
What are your favorite festivities? 

(PS. credit to my husband for his photos of me. He's learning well!). 

Marriage Monday: Just as we are.

I have had quite a few conversations this week with people at all different stages.. Newly dating, married, struggling through their career, etc. In most of those conversations one of the major struggles is the hard stuff. But not just because it is hard. Mostly because it looks different that the what others are navigating. And that is probably mostly because we can't see their hard stuff.

I just saw photos added "5 years ago" on Facebook from when Charles and I were first hanging out - before we were "anything". This got me thinking back on our dating journey. Our story was unique, as each. But often times we question things because they don't look like what someone else is experiencing or has experienced.

Sometimes the temptation is to think I should be more like someone else, or that my husband should be more like someone else. Of course there is always room for us to grow as individuals and as a couple. But when I compare, criticize and start to expect myself or my husband to me more like someone else he gently and yet firmly invites in grace and content. I am me and he is he. We are we. This is our relationship and our journey.

I hope with each decade of marriage we look back and see that we've believed in the person each other is. I hope with each decade we embrace the moments/seasons of messy and the journey God has us on. I hope that with each decade I learn to lead with grace more like my husband.

I imagine the more I learn to trust Jesus as the person he has created me to be, the more I can roll with the punches and love people as they are, especially my husband.

He reminds me to take a deep breath.
Here's to our journey.
And here's to yours.

Lead with grace.

One of the first photos we took together:

2015:

*Note added by the husband: often these post are basically fresh conversations in the Stoicu home. So, welcome to our journey.

Marriage Monday: Traditions

I am a big fan of traditions. Maybe part of this is my love for documenting moments through photography. I love to look back and reminisce on a season, a moment, a feeling. But it's also the festive decorations, new seasons, holiday activities, seasonal food/drinks and opportunity to get friends together, whatever the occasion!

Charles and I started dating just after Thanksgiving so many of our first memories "officially together" were shaped around the holidays. I am so thankful he gets fully into festivities and traditions with me. It's that time of year and I love it! Sometimes we're so tired, life is full and we have to find time to squeeze in our traditions but you gotta work with what you got. That's when traditions are so good.. they remind us to slow down and embrace these special moments. If they weren't traditions we'd probably blow them off easily but as traditions they have such value. We get that extra push to make them a priority and carry on the memory making!

Some things I love about traditions:

1. You can start new ones at any time. It's never too late to say "I want to try that", "Let's make this annual" or "
2. You can switch them up. Example: maybe a tradition is an anniversary brunch at your favorite place but you move or the place closes.. the tradition is about brunch/a fond place so pick a new one and keep going!
3. Memories are created consistently but in new ways. We have so many memories that have already been created in different seasons.. traditions while dating, including other friends, as engaged people, as a married couple and hopefully someday in new ways with kids or maybe in a new city. As I look back on past years of our Oak Glen tradition (see below), I remember the different joys, challenges, new learnings and adventures that came with each visit. This is so special and fun.
4. There is anticipation and excitement to experience the familiar in a new way. 
5. You can share them with others and adopt new ones you see others practice. It's fun to see what others have loved and grab on to what feels like a fit in your own life.

Here's some of our favorite traditions: 

1. Finding the best coffee shop in new towns
2. Pumpkin Carving
3. Picking out our Christmas Tree/Decorating
4. Trips to the Pacific Northwest 
5. Trips to the Cabin in Arrowhead (where we got engaged, celebrated Charles' birthday, where we go for rest, where we enjoy time with friends)
6. Pumpkin Blendeds from The Coffee Bean, our favorite pumpkin beer, etc.
7. Using airbnb when we travel to new places (If you haven't.. do it! and let me give you a code for $20 your first stay). We love finding an interesting part of town and soaking it up
8. Stopping at Flying J truck stop on roadtrips to see family/friends to grab coffee, donettes and a bathroom break 
9. Walking to our favorite local places downtown for dinner/date night
10. Oak Glen trip to find Fall

Today we took our annual Oak Glen trip. 

Last year we missed our annual trip. There was a lot going on so we went to a local pumpkin patch and called it good. But we made it today! It feels like more work than it should be (3 hours in the car) to find some fall leaves, apple picking and temperatures below 80 (on a good day) but it is worth it.  We've discovered we LOVE going on a weekday. We had most of the place to ourselves and enjoyed apple cinnamon donuts, coffee and the quiet outdoors. We also make a stop to take a picture in front of the "Oak Glen" sign at the venue we got married at. This brings up such fun memories!

A bonus for traditions... I see that my husband brings out the best in me through things like this. He encourages me to bring my "big camera/tripod" and enjoy taking quality photos, encourages me to be silly and makes the little things matter when I start to say, "it's ok, we can skip the ________".

Here's a look back...

2011: Introducing him to a tradition that has existed with friends.. alongside friends.

2012

2013: The year we got married!

2015: This year!

So, let's hear it.. Do you have any favorite traditions? I want to hear them, big or small! What do YOU love about traditions? Or do you hate them?