Monday, November 28, 2016

#MarriageMonday: Today we fought over the...

... Trash Can Lid.

Yup. That was most of our morning (As I wrote this the other day). A fight over the trash can lid. You're probably thinking, "How do you fight over that?" Well, you really don't. It seems that way, but it's actually about something else.

What did we really fight over? Being hurt.

Charles was so kindly making eggs for us. I was kindly removing laundry from the dryer and placing our kitchen rug back where it belongs. Go us. However, these efforts collided. I closed the trash can lid (so that I could get the rug from behind it) and he was mid effort to throw away egg shells. We were both tried and grumpy. We're both dealing some hurt in our lives (past and present) and they aligned just right. He felt like I chose to get in his way and disrupt his effort. He made a grouchy comment (which is usually my game) and I felt like he didn't appreciate my laundry efforts.

What we were really saying, "I am hurt, reacted poorly and need some extra love today".

But you know, it wasn't that simple today. And we were mad at each other. And it wasn't fun. It's really about the worst way to start the day but I am grateful we resolved it before parting ways.

I needed to hear the core of what he was saying (without directly saying it) and he needed to hear mine. It wasn't really about he trash can lid. I lean towards logical but I had to turn that off and hear his heart, what's really going on. And in that space we offer grace for each other.

This morning, in the kitchen, extra grace was needed.

Where do you need extra grace?
Where can you give extra grace?

Sometimes all it takes is expressing what we really need. And sometimes that is hard.
But that is worth it.

Deep breath, y'all. Exhale grace. 

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