Thursday, April 28, 2016

No stopping it now ( t h i r t y )

I'm feeling the desire to look back and reflect on the past decade and figure out how you spend the last night in your 20s. W O A H.

How did I get here?
Wasn't it just yesterday that I was able to drink for the first time, moving out for the first time, getting my first "real job" and anxiously wanting to be married so I could be done with the drama of dating?

I think there's this normal of freaking out when 30 comes. I feel that. It is weird to close out an adult decade. It is weird to be able to process so much of the life I've lived. It is weird to compare how things were at 20 and how they are now (like 7+ hours of sleep being even more essential, needing downtime, having diet restrictions, thinking about future babies instead of cute boys and so on).

But, it is good. 
I get to enter into a new decade.
I get to do things differently thanks to the wisdom I've gained.
I get to share the highs and lows of life with my best friend and partner in it all.
I get to experience new.
I get whatever is ahead.
I get to be 30.

Do I miss things from the past? Yes! But what a joy. I have plenty of fond life I've lived.
Am I glad I am well done with some things? Yes! And I am glad I have learned.

I wonder what I think of my 20s when I look back from 39. How will my perspective shift?
I'm pretty confident we could always look back and long for the days of  "_________" when things were: easier, more fun, lighter, we had more energy, etc. But I am sure we'll also look back on these days, the current ones and miss them. So the best we could do is embrace, value and notice what we have now; the unique facets and joys this stage of life brings.

Here's to what was: a brief look back.

Lets start with TWENTY. The beginning of this decade I have lived.
I went to Spaghetti Factory, of course! What a little baby...
I had graduated cosmetology school and moved towards photography.
I was newly single after a long relationship and felt like all my plans were up in the air.

Birthdays with friends were so fun in this season.

How about 2008? 22 years old. I remember feeling so legit because I wasn't a newby 21 year old anymore. I was so "established". I was doing wedding photography, high school ministry/college ministry and feeling torn with life's options. This year I'd finally decide to quit my job, adventure to Spain and take a chance towards ministry.

2009: Las Vegas birthday lunch. This was a weird season but it resulted in some deeply meaningful friendships and stretching experiences.  Plus I survived (and actually loved) living in the desert and that in itself was a big accomplishment for me.

2010: I celebrated by getting a tattoo. I was living in a new home in Downtown Fullerton with friends, in my first year working at my church and figuring out this new season. This would be the year I would meet my future husband.

2012: LA birthday celebration with my (then) boyfriend. Oh, what a night. We learned a lot about each other and how we do things differently. This was that season of being in a serious relationship that was "headed towards marriage" and figuring out all the hard parts of moving forward. So much special, so much good and so much hard. We'd drive a lot between Escondido and Fullerton.

2014: Glen Ivy spa day. Despite the large amount of hard I (and we) wrestled with during this year, he continued to love me well, offer grace and show patience with me. Big life decisions were hard and different than all the heavy stuff from my "early twenties". Perspective is powerful. During this year I would quit my job not really knowing what was next but simply knowing it was time.

2015: Road trip to see the Grand Canyon and Zion for the first time. This was the first birthday where I woke up away from home and without my friend circle. But the simplicity of nature, rest, time with Charles and no real plans was beautiful. Things certainly shift over time. During this year I would question what I was doing and what would be next regularly. During this year I restored my desire for creativity and deep connection with people. It wasn't an easy one but it was deeply valuable.

2016: HELLO 30. 

To be continued.  .  .


No comments: