Real Talk Tuesday: Pride driven success.

I want to be successful.

I have always been driven to do well. It has ups and downs but overall I like this side of me. But with a drive for success I am often fueled for more.

In my early 20s (shoot, saying things like confirm I am getting old) I was given/dumped on/acquired many different roles. From different parts of my job to volunteer roles to things I started/joined, people told me often that I was responsible, wise and capable beyond my years. I don't say that to brag. I think part of it was my sense of responsibility and part was the way people look for someone "capable" to give things to (or dump them on) and people who like achieving gladly say yes. Anyway, these roles fueled my success drive. I liked being responsible, leading, looked to and capable. So I grew in roles, took on extra ministry opportunities and said yes, a lot.

Fast forward to my late 20s...

I have a lot of different passions and desires. I have entrepreneurial ideas, dreams, random ideas. I get on kicks of starting something new, looking for a perfect job that is meaningful, making my business the full deal, starting a hand crafted shop, creating greater ways to connect with and help people, etc. The list goes on.

But I do not have one defined role right now. To me this feels less successful. I don't know what to say when people ask, "What do you do?". I do a mixture of things but none of them feel like "enough". I am not looked to as a leader in the ways I formerly was. I see people starting successful new businesses and creative ideas and I want to jump on the wagon. Inside my heart is screaming,
"I am capable! I have great ideas! I want to do awesome things! I want to be successful!"

This flares up and down. But when it flares up, I feel discontent. I feel irritable. I tell my husband about it and he encourages me a ton but he also calls me out. He points out that I shouldn't just want success for successes sake. I shouldn't feel like less just because my role doesn't look like it used to or like others'. And maybe my success is different than it was at 22. I might not be "ahead" for my age now, but that is ok.

There were great times in those seasons but I don't actually want it all back. I don't want to run around like crazy with multiple big roles, feel dumped on, feel only valued for my ability to do whatever is asked of me and lack balance. I don't want to be tied to my inbox all day responding to clients. I don't want to do things just to feel good about my level of success. I don't want my roles to be all about me.

I am not saying success is bad. I think it is so good. But I know, for me, I have to pay attention to what is fueling my desire for success. I have to notice if it is leading to pride and driving my decisions. Hopefully I'll learn a great balance of big dreams and big action accompanied by great humility and paying attention to God's leading. And the art of contentment.

So how do we work hard, achieve dreams and succeed with balance? I think we have to define some things and ask questions along the way, a lot. 

What is the WHY behind what I want?

What do I want to fuel my success? 

What does success look like for me? 

What are the triggers that success is about pride and becoming unhealthy? 

Am I defining success like I'm created for or like I see someone else living out? 

I hope these thoughts are encouraging, helpful and challenging. 

I'd love to hear your story or thoughts! 

Because I can't blog without photos, here are some photos... Representation of some of the roles I identify with. These are meaningful parts of my life.  But no matter the role, may I be present with my creator, those around me and opportunities.

Marriage Mondays: less magic, still meaningful.

I love Mondays.
For many years I have had them off of work and it is great having them off together with my husband. Sometimes we do our own thing, sometimes we go on an adventure, sometimes we stay in our sweat pants all day. Sometimes we're exhausted and they aren't that fun. Sometimes they become dedicated to conflict resolution or things we have to take care of. But I am grateful for the space they allow.

During our first week of official dating, Charles joined me to pick out my 2010 tree. His excitement to do this festive activity was a good sign.

Last Monday we picked out our tree. Yay! I love tree time.

We went to the tree lot we got out tree at last year, took a fun photo and we're out in less than 5 minutes. It was one of the quickest tree picking outings we've had and it felt kind of sad. I realized it was kind of anti climatic (no deep browsing, no trip to another lot, no magic moment). We perused, picked, payed and left. I had this moment of feeling like it was supposed to feel more special. Like it did when we were dating or like it looks from what you see from others on instagram. But pretty quickly I realized this was how it really is supposed to be (for us at least). I really love getting a tree with my husband and all the festivities that follow it but they aren't what they were the first time. And they aren't what I see others experience. But that is good.

When we got married, despite my not so fairytale like expectations of marriage, I quickly discovered how my expectations were indeed off. Our "honeymoon phase" ended quickly with potential job changes/moves, disagreeing on big decisions, personal struggles surfacing and more. I really thought we'd have magical moments of breakfast in bed, easy intimacy and easy communication (subconsciously of course). We worked so hard and didn't live in La La Land. But ya know, being married isn't smooth sailing all the time and that's just reality.

So, we got out tree. We drove to two Home Depot stores to find the lights we wanted. I was super hungry. But we got festive coffee drinks and enjoyed the simple but special time decorating together. And then we've enjoyed plugging in our tree daily.

So maybe some moments are super special and significant, even defining. Maybe some are just normal, ya know, like normal is supposed to be. I am thankful for what comes with normal. Things like comfort just as you are, traditions, simple nights on the couch, truth and encouragement like you need because you are known... things like that.

Less "magical" but still so meaningful.

Merry Christmas time, friends!
What are your favorite festivities? 

(PS. credit to my husband for his photos of me. He's learning well!). 

No pants December = Dressember.

For the next 31 days I wont be wearing pants. Don't worry, I wont be naked. I will only be wearing dresses. Why? Here's a little background.

I'm not really a bandwagon-er. So when things are the "cool thing" to do, I tend to ignore them. Like Toms. I like what they're about but they were so "cool" all of a sudden and I just couldn't jump on the trend (no offense to Toms wearers at all). This is probably more of my pride. I've always liked to be original. There are plenty of things I like that are popular, I just don't like liking things just because they are cool.

So anyway... I've known about Dressember for a long time and I have been interested in participating. Dressember isn't about a dress but rather an opportunity to use our voice (and use something like a dress) to speak up for other women. Dressember is a way to raise money and advocacy. They partner with IJM and other anti-trafficking organizations to rescue women from slavery.

I am passionate about women (and all people) having worth and a voice. I've worked with women in the sex industry locally and in Las Vegas and my heart breaks for women who are trapped in these places. These reasons and others are why Dressember has caught my attention.

BUT I don't like jumping on the bandwagon.
This year I thoughts about joining the Dressember movement. Then I thought,
"Nah, I've got enough going on"
"I don't want people to think I am just doing this to be cool" and
"I don't want to be that person who just does all the trendy cause based things" and moved on.
And then I couldn't shake the thought...
"Nope! I need to get over myself. This is the stuff I care about and this matters to me."

I want to make a difference for those trapped in slavery. I want to speak up. I want my life to be about people mattering. I don't want to do things because they are cool and I don't want to avoid doing things because people might think I am trying to be cool.

I know what IJM is doing around the world is finding, speaking up for, rescuing and bringing value to people. I know I am about that and if I cannot do that personally, I want to do what I can.

So, I'm in. Dresses only for 31 days. To raise awareness and support. To be intentional. To speak up. To pay attention.

I've already been thinking a lot about this sacrifice.
I am kind of not excited because it is finally cold and I am all about a good pair of jeans and a sweater/scarf. It's comfortable, lazy and cozy. And I like it. But I am going to have to try a little harder ad I get dressed each day. And I know that is going to make me think about why I am doing this and how much these women matter. I am already thinking about how much they deserve much more than my sacrifice and I should get over myself.

So, here we go.
Happy December 1st.
Happy Dressember.

Be you, do you, let people matter.

To read more, donate or share - check out my page. I am on the Share and Do Good team and so stoked to partner with these ladies in this.

Thanks for reading this! I really appreciate it.

Are you doing Dressember? I want to hear about your journey!

Help Portrait: A Free Community Portrait Event.

If you've been curious about this event, here's the why and the details...
Want to know more about Help Portrait and what we're doing? Check it out here.
You can share this post or our Facebook event. 

THE WHY:
I am a photographer but if it weren't for the photographer friends I have I wouldn't be able to afford what photography cost.
Maybe you can relate.
Or maybe you've never had a portrait taken because of limited finances, lack of opportunity or even just a lack of worth to do so.
Maybe it has just been a while.

Whatever the case, I (and the team) believe in the value of photography and that everyone deserves a great portrait. That's YOU.

So, you are invited. And we'd love for you to spread the word. Who do you know who would love this opportunity?

THE DETAILS:
Saturday, December 5th | 9-11am.
Hillcrest Park (entrance on Lemon and Valley View) in Fullerton.

We will have a team ready to welcome you, snacks and more. Just check in with our team and join the party!

You can head to the portrait station for you free portrait. This can be an individual, family, your children, with a friend, etc. It's up to you! (*due to supplies one portrait per party will be provided unless otherwise specified).

Within a few minutes your portrait will be printed for you.
After the event the digital image will be provided for download if desired. 

We hope to see you there.
Questions? Send us an email. 

Work it Wednesday: Thrive | Live a rich life.

My goal in this season has been to reconnect with my creative side, reconnect with my calling/leadership in ministry and not get ahead of God.

I am stoked on this season of exploring new creative hobbies and being consistently engaged in photography again.

But in reconnecting to my best investment in ministry it has been so great to see what God has given opportunity for.

Honestly, sometimes it is hard to feel like my investment in ministry matters simply because it is not my (paid) job. I don't need monetary value to want this role. I am so thankful I get to partner with my husband in a ministry were both so passionate about. But without a title and a paid role I often times don't feel valid. But I continue to fight those thoughts and follow God's lead in the ways I can best invest myself.

So our first Ethos Ladies Night was born. On a long car drive Charles and I talked about what I really want my investment to be. I knew it wasn't just attending, helping and having good conversations. I want to build into the women of our ministry. I want to share my story, connect with theirs and offer what I can to help them know Jesus deeper and live a healthy life. So I started dreaming about a gathering for just the ladies. Not just a gather in someone's living room and paint our nails and make ice cream sundaes kinda thing (although I think that can be awesome too), but a night to really build value into them and create meaningful connection. So I started looking for a meaningful space that would be pretty and engaging and I started praying about what God wanted shared in this space.

The idea of THRIVE emerged. My heart desired for these women to not just get by but to live a full life. You know how people come up with snazzy acronyms in their lessons? I'm not that snazzy. But I started thinking about the comments that make up a thriving life and when I mixed the letters up they spelled RICH and I loved it! It fit my thoughts and prayers for this night. Not in a monetary, cushy, fabulous way but in a fulfilling, enriched and deep way.

The theme of THRIVE: Live a R.I.C.H. life was made up of:

• Remain: "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5. This is one of my favorites. And I think it speaks of how much we have to gain when we stay close to Him. Not just in the easy but in the hard, in the unknown and in the great.
• Integrity: What happens when no one is looking? What happens when things aren't smooth sailing? What happens when were tested? What happens when we don't feel like obeying, loving or forgiving? I think integrity is such a vital aspect to thriving. It's a constant despite challenge. Not always easy but brings refinement, growth and fruit. 
• Community: I am all about my sharing life. That's part of why I blog. But I know I couldn't get through life without those close to me or even new friendships or social media connections. God uses people to bring growth, comfort, wisdom, a kick in the butt and more! I know I need all those things. And I know we can't thrive alone. 
• Healthy Habits: This kind of goes with integrity but I think it is so vital. What foundation are we laying? What guardrails have we set for ourselves? What have we committed to, even when it isn't easy? Habits aren't always second nature but they can become them when we're continually committed. Think exercise, time connecting with God, weekly catch up times with friends, holding back unkind words towards your spouse, putting away your clothes at the end of they day... 

As I planned this I knew I wanted to invite other women in to share their journey, wisdom and encouragement with our young ladies. It was great! They prepared a homemade meal and shared as God led them along the lines of the theme. 

I certainly hope (and think) it was a success and the ladies were encouraged. They made new friends and connections, heard such valuable & honest words from great ladies, made a beautiful necklace to take home as a reminder to thrive and hopefully experienced God's deep love for them. 

All that feels like such a success to me. But I am so humbled at what God did in my heart in this space. Each of the women who were involved in the evening were such an encouragement to me. With their presence, excited commitment, affirming words to me, willingness to share honestly and there love for these young ladies; I felt so loved. I felt affirmed in how God led this evening, in the opportunity to exercise my leadership and in a chance to connect with others in a meaningful way. 

This evening was meant to pour into these young women but I know I grasped a little more what really thriving looks like thanks to each of them. I am so thankful for a space to engage my gifting, for such great young women to connect with and for the ways I do not see that God is at work. I went home exhausted but with such a joy for how the evening unfolded. And even as I type I am realizing that much of that peaceful joy was because I got to lead/connect in an avenue that aligned my passions and wasn't forcing a different outcome from me. So good, healing and encouraging and I am thankful. 

Some quotes from the valuable women who poured into the evening:

"Go forward where He has led us while remaining true to how He has created us" 
"Know Him deeply to live life free as who He created you to be"
"Thriving isn't about what you have or do, it is who you are & how you're connected to God."
"I am approved. I am accepted."

Marriage Monday: Just as we are.

I have had quite a few conversations this week with people at all different stages.. Newly dating, married, struggling through their career, etc. In most of those conversations one of the major struggles is the hard stuff. But not just because it is hard. Mostly because it looks different that the what others are navigating. And that is probably mostly because we can't see their hard stuff.

I just saw photos added "5 years ago" on Facebook from when Charles and I were first hanging out - before we were "anything". This got me thinking back on our dating journey. Our story was unique, as each. But often times we question things because they don't look like what someone else is experiencing or has experienced.

Sometimes the temptation is to think I should be more like someone else, or that my husband should be more like someone else. Of course there is always room for us to grow as individuals and as a couple. But when I compare, criticize and start to expect myself or my husband to me more like someone else he gently and yet firmly invites in grace and content. I am me and he is he. We are we. This is our relationship and our journey.

I hope with each decade of marriage we look back and see that we've believed in the person each other is. I hope with each decade we embrace the moments/seasons of messy and the journey God has us on. I hope that with each decade I learn to lead with grace more like my husband.

I imagine the more I learn to trust Jesus as the person he has created me to be, the more I can roll with the punches and love people as they are, especially my husband.

He reminds me to take a deep breath.
Here's to our journey.
And here's to yours.

Lead with grace.

One of the first photos we took together:

2015:

*Note added by the husband: often these post are basically fresh conversations in the Stoicu home. So, welcome to our journey.

Less plan, more presence.

I don't have an outlined plan for what is ahead as far as my "career" or life in that way. I've had something I have been fully committed to for most of my 20s, but not now. And it is hard. But people around me so kindly remind me what I've chosen, why and that it is good when I freak out (which is relatively often).

My plan?
Don't plan (too much).
Make room what what I love.
See what opportunities arise.
Trust where God has led and is leading.
Say yes where I want to.
Be present.
Dream.
Risk.

Right now that looks like 3 projects I have said yes to and focusing on those yeses. The present. Not making it about what could be next, what could make me feel more important and what I should do. Focused on now, opportunity, learning. They look like:

1. Ethos Ladies Night. I am pretty excited for this. While I was physically present in our Young Adult ministry, I didn't feel present in any other facet. And being connected to people is my thing. This was killing me (due to previously mentioned burn out, not the right fit job, etc.). Charles and I had a long talk on a road-trip this summer about what my investment looks like in a way that is my best leadership. I knew I wanted to cultivate my heart for the young women in our community. Through that conversation came a few dreams but the ability to start with this event. And it is almost here. I am pumped to spend time getting to know, encouraging, sharing stories and having fun alongside these women. I am pumped to create a space where they can be known and get to know others. I am pumped to speak into their worth, how to thrive and draw closer to Jesus.
2. Help Portrait. I've really wanted to host a Help Portrait event. I love this organization and how it empowers photographers and willing people to offer their good. I saw the founder speak recently and his honesty, passion and encouragement blew me away. Plus, this organization is where the idea came from for the past 2 years of The Photo Project in Kenya.
3. The Downtown Fullerton Art Walk. I am so stoked for this. Share and Do Good (check them out!) asked me if I would be their featured artist for December. PUMPED. I love them, the store and am so excited for this opportunity to share photos/stores from our Kenya trips and more. But this is a big deal to me because in this season of wanting to engage my creativity I wanted to ask them if I do art for an event BUT I was too scared. What if they think my photos are lame? What if they want "real" artist? What if.... But they contacted me. And I knew it was encouragement from God as I dream but keep letting fear win. I am grateful for that nudge.

All that to say..
If you're dreaming about what life holds for you next and you are unsure, focus on what life has now.

Where can you say yes that aligns your passions?
Where can you say yes that creates opportunity?
Where can you say yes that allows you to learn and grow?
Where can you say yes that allows you margin, freedom and space to dream?
Where can you say yes that invites risk, potential, adventure?

In this season of margin, creativity, freedom and alignment of passions, I am still so hesitant to try, fail, learn and risk. So I am reminding myself, and maybe you as well... don't give up, try, fail and be ok with it, live life fully engaged. In order to dream we have to be willing to look dumb, make mistakes and take risks.

I'm trying. It's not easy, but there is a lot of good and I know there is way more good ahead.

If you are on a similar journey, I'd love to hear about yours and the yeses you are making (or want to).

Don't give up!