Established: May 19, 2013

It's been almost one year since Charles and I committed our lives together in marriage. Cliche but, "It seems like just yesterday we were counting down the days, stressing over small details and anticipating the journey of marriage."

This might be mainly for my own ability to look back but I want to summarize some of our first year full of Firsts - our adventures, challenges, learnings..

ADVENTURES

We've made our first home together. I wasn't sure we were going to find something that fit our desires (near downtown, character, not a huge complex) within our price range, but we so did! It's tiny but enough. It has taken a while but it's got character now, it's us. It's been so fun to settle in, arrange, rearrange and decorate. It's been fun to get to know our neighbors a little, go on walks and pick out our favorite houses and walk to date night or breakfast. Monday mornings at Rialto are my favorite.

We took our first round of trips together.. Ones where we got to stay in hotels (or airbnb which we loved) together and have home away from home. We did: Vegas (twice), Seattle, Santa Barbara, Arrowhead, Portland and Seattle (again), Escondido, Big Bear, Hume Lake and Lake Isabella. 

We camped! I've been pretty excited for the day I get to take camping trips with my husband. So far we've just done Big Bear twice. Year two needs an expansion in this area. 

We've had our first round of holidays: festivities, traditions, birthdays, parties and family gatherings. 

We've celebrated the marriage, engagement and baby arrival of friends. There's so much life and change that comes with this season and it's so fun to celebrate with my partner. 

CHALLENGES / LEARNINGS:

Big Decisions: As we got home from our honeymoon Charles got an out of state job opportunity. While we were just beginning to settle into home, we had a lot to process. Was this where God was leading? Was this the right fit? What would leaving our friends and family so soon in our marriage be like? How do we make such a big decision together? We often disagreed and felt opposite in the process. We did a lot of asking for wisdom, talking it to death, fighting and praying. It was such a learning process for how to be united in our decision making. We had been making decisions independently for a long time and navigating how to agree, honor each other and move forward was tough.

Routine: What's alone time like? How do we navigate our own time with God? Routine was now so different and we had to figure out to have our own time with God, not to mention time together with God. We're still trying to figure the together piece out. Yes we both work in ministry but making time that is just about our relationship with God and not just planning or debriefing "work" or sharing updates on our time with other people has been challenging.

Balance: This might be the hardest part of our year. Between our work schedule, ministries we're involved in, late nights, pursuing quality time together, having alone time, time with friends and family, working out, groceries, laundry, and so on... balance has been tough. It's been tricky to navigate and it feels like it's been such a fast paced year. We've had to learn to be aware of our own needs for balance and to communicate them to each other. We've had to learn to make date night a weekly priority. We've had to learn where to say "no" and not feel guilty. Well, we're still learning all of this.

Togetherness: This has been my challenge. When we first started dating it took me a while to let my guard down and for us to be on the same page. There has been a whole new round of that in marriage. My tendency is to be very independent and rely on myself and that habit reared it's head in marriage. So in stress, exhaustion, fighting and frustration and our own different hurts with life this year, coming together has been challenging at many points.

I am loved by my husband: Maybe you are thinking, "well, obviously, he married you.." but it isn't always  easy to receive. In my own brokenness, fears and independence (see above) I would often exclude myself from being loved well by him. I sometimes expect a poor response from him or reject a loving response because I know I can be pretty crappy and don't deserve his grace and love. Or do I? Do I give the same grace in response to his brokenness? I am learning to respond to our challenges and conflict out of love and not withhold grace from him when I'm hurt. All of this is a learning in my ability to be loved and receive grace from my creator. Do I know how truly loved I am? Do I love others the same way? I am learning and trying. Charles has been such a picture of God's love for me and in the moments I experience that love I am overwhelmed.


Some of our FAVORITES in year 1:
Walking to breakfast at Rialto
Dinner at Kentro
Coffee at Green Bliss
Finding new coffee shops
Running together (Ok, I don't love it so much in the moment)
Letting ourselves be lazy: sleeping in, a whole Sunday afternoon of Netflix...
Celebrating ministry, life change, and new opportunities together
Road trips and adventures to visit friends or explore new places
Going to bed and waking up together
Dreaming about what future life holds.

Life wouldn't be the same without all our people. We're so grateful for the community we have and the privilege of sharing life with so many people we love. Thank you for being a part of our journey.

Class of 2014: Friend Session

If you haven't read yet, I am doing portraits to raise money for our Kenya trip.

I threw out an upcoming Saturday I was available and Jenna was the first to take me up on it. She gathered 3 friends (Ella, Cory & Gracie) and scheduled a session. These four friends are headed off to college in different directions this Fall and wanted some photos to take with them. It was so fun to capture their friendship and I am so grateful for their donation to our Kenya trip.

So, Jenna + Cory + Ella + Gracie, Congratulations on your upcoming graduation! There's such an exciting journey ahead. And again, thank you for helping send us on this journey.

Kenya Photo Sessions

 Alright, if you've been thinking, "We really need some updated photos (family, portrait, engagement, prego, senior, baby, etc.) and you want to support a good cause..." I've got something for you. For donating you can enjoy a 20 minute photo session, unlimited images & an online album of full resolution photos.

Just pick one of the available times from the bottom of this post and email me with the contact form on the right. Then donate $100 or more to our Kenya Trip (read more or donate here). I will remove time slots as they are booked.

A few images taken at the June 7th location (or view this post):

Saturday June 7th, 9a - 1p (Downtown Fullerton location, think brick, colors, variety).
9a (Wright)
930a
10a (Becker)
1030a (Quines)
11a
1130a
12p
1230p
1p

Thanks for sharing in our journey!

Phylicia (& Charles) Stoicu

DAILY in (y)our marriage

Charles and I went to our first marriage conference this past weekend. It was a good chance to be reminded of the important foundational tools for a healthy marriage. Yeah, we're only 10 months in, but we know intentionality in this area is a good habit to create. These 10 months have really flown by and they have been filled with a whirlwind of decisions, learnings and adventures.

There were some great, and yet simple things to be reminded of. One of the first sessions included "The Power of Daily."

DAILY:
Deal with your stuff - be ruthlessly honest about your own brokenness.
Attitude is everything - self care is crucial, be flexible, minimize frustrations (not maximize).
Intentionality - Be willfully committed. This takes effort.
Like vs. Love - mutual submission. We often love each other but do we like each other?
Yahweh reigns - Is Christ the center?

This might not make sense without the full context, but it was a good simple thing to remember. 

It was great to be in a room full of people choosing to be healthy, heal, and love each other well. I know there was also a room full of brokenness, hurt and struggle. Charles and I don't have it all figured out (not even close), but I do know choosing to be intentional and engaging in real honest community is so important. I'm trying to do my best in these areas and would encourage you to do the same - married or not - with what life brings your way.

Keep on keeping on, friends.

Can we end slavery?

Today Jessi and I got to go to the annual Justice Conference at Vanguard. We've both been fired up about this issue of injustice and excited to expand our opportunities to contribute to the end of slavery. What's happening in our own city? How can we help raise awareness? Hope can we contribute to the end?

Today was only a half day and yet packed full of inspiring, heart wrenching, and moving conversations. One of the sessions was with Stephan from World Relief and it was incredible. Not only is he doing much, well educated in the issue of trafficking and a great speaker but it was great to hear a man speak up so much about caring for, protecting and empowering women. Less than 10% of the room was men but Stephan brought such heart and passion to the topic. I can't even sum it all up well right now but one of the best pieces was the list of 10 things that make this fight against slavery possible. We're not all called to fight in the same way but we can all do our part, even if it is just paying attention around us (more on this to come..). These are quick bullet points from a session packed full of noteworthy items but hopefully they make sense.

So, 10 things that make this fight against slavery possible:

1. Lament: Let your heart tear apart. Don't be afraid to feel. This all begins with empathy. Enter into suffering & don't lose hope.
2. Create economic solutions: micro-financing, inner city urban gardens, etc.
3. Support the creation of John Schools: Education for men who bought sex and got caught. These schools inform them of the reality of this issue and bring change. Talk to local enforcement agencies, mayors, etc. to make sure this is happening in your area.
4. Shout: Blog, tweet, facebook, share stories. The collective matters. We have the tools to talk and share with the world.
5. Clean up supply chains. Free children matter more than free markets.
6. Advocate for legislative change. Politicians, congress, senators. Immigration reform: immigration is ripe with trafficking.
7. Call forth the creative people in our midst: use your gift & calling to shake up this issue.
8. Take on pornography. Allow men and the church to come out of hiding. Because we love our sisters and want to release them. If the church can't talk about it, then who can?
9. Become a foster parent. From an FBI raid on 70 US cities 60% of freed victims were from the foster system. We need parents to love! (Note: churches must support marriages and families to be healthy foster homes, not just promote fostering).
10. Come together. Collaborate. Partner. This cannot be won alone. 

 I love all of these. I particularly love #1, #4 and #8. We have to be wiling to feel in order to do anything. And then we have to share. So many have no idea slavery still exist and we must bring awareness. And then there's #8. I am so glad he mentioned that. There's such a huge connection between porn and trafficking. The consumption of porn is far too high in the Christian world. We have to be willing to talk about it, to provide a place of freedom and healing and to care enough to stop consumption because people are not items for our use. 

I am stirred up. But also so tired as I write. So, that's it for now. Thoughts welcomed.

Let's end this.

Photos for Kenya.

Back Story:
I have been mentoring one of our Eastside High Schoolers for her senior project. She has begun her photography career and she asked me to be her mentor in this field. It's been so fun to connect with her, see her grow and share in her journey. She came up with a great idea to raise money for our trip to Kenya this summer where we will be doing portraits for kids and families in the Mathare Valley schools and slums. Her idea challenged me and I will be joining her..

So, Taylor and I will be offering our photographs in exchange for donations to our trip. It just made sense. We take pictures. We're going to Kenya to take & print pictures (and love on all we get to interact with) for this project. Why not include pictures in our fundraising process? I am really not sure which of my photos would interest anyone but worth a shot!

So,  here is the deal..
Every $100 donation = 1 5x7 matted image
Every $200 donation = 1 8x10 matted image
Every $300 donation = 1 11x14 matted image
Every $500 or more donation = a 30 minute local photo shoot

You can choose an image from this gallery or you can wait until after our Kenya trip and choose an image from our Kenya gallery. If you want to learn more about the trip Charles and I are taking you can view our Kenya page here.

I hope this is a way I can share a special piece of my journey with you.

The Stoicus go to Kenya

Charles and I are really excited to go to Kenya this summer with Eastside. I went in 2007 and somehow have not been back. Charles has traveled to Australia and Thailand for other mission trips. We both wanted to embark on another journey and thought it would be great to do this together in our first year of marriage. 

I decided I wanted to pursue Kenya specifically after a conversation with Arty (the Kenya team leader). I was telling him about a project I wanted to do locally for the community and he almost instantly said, "Let's do that in Kenya!" He had been wanting a new project for the community and this felt just right (I'll explain the project in a minute). I told Charles about the conversation and he was excited about taking the journey to Kenya as well. 

So, I will be leading a project in which we will be taking portraits of the kids (and families) in the slums and printing the photos for them to keep. We're working on some little things for them to pick out (hair flowers, etc.) to feel loved and special as we spend time with them before their turn for a portrait. When I went to Kenya in 2007 the kids were so fascinated by seeing themselves on the back of my camera. I can't wait for them to take home a special portrait and hopefully remember the love we were able to communicate and more importantly the love that comes from

Christ. It may seem small but I think God can use it in big ways. 

Also, we found out quite a few young adults were signing up for Kenya. This was exciting since we've been leading Ethos, the young adult ministry. We're stoked to serve alongside them and support them on this journey as well as the many other team members of all ages and points in their journey. 

Anyway, if you want more info or want to support our journey you can check out our Kenya 2014 page (http://grouprev.com/thestoicus) or send over questions. We'll update more along the way. Thanks for journeying with us through reading about this.