Thursday, January 21, 2016

The enemy of being known.

What makes you come alive? 

I've been searching a lot for that this past year, really trying to not say yes to just anything or over commit myself. I've been trying to find my win and really align myself with my passions and the things that make me stoked.

We had a worship night at church last night. I really wasn't feeling it very much. That's actually been happening for a while. I have an ongoing fight but I really want to feel alive and close to Jesus. At the end of the service our pastor asked people to pick one of three things to pray for:
  1. To be closer to God 
  2. To help with heavy things in their life
  3. To be used in and make an impact with their life.
I got to be one of the people upfront to pray with people if they decided to come for prayer. During this my whole night shifted.

I got to pray with a variety of women and with each one a piece of my heart felt like it could relate and I was so honored to share in their journey. Most of all I really respected them for coming forward and honestly sharing their hardships. Most of them had never met me. One of them shared something she'd only told one other person that was very heavy in her life. A few of them were in junior high or high school and had really heavy things that they needed prayer for. I was so impressed that they were willing to share. I've spent many seasons acting like I had it all together and not wanting to let other people into my hurt or struggles. But those seasons weren't very full of life.

I know my heart is made to be connected to people. Paid role or not, I know my best win has people involved. While I don't always know what that looks like or how it will play out, I know that I really feel alive when I get to share in another person's story. But not just to hear about their life.

It is the moments when depth is shared, isolation ends and a space to be known takes place. 

I don't know what makes you come alive but I can guess what doesn't:
It is probably not isolation.
It is probably not bearing the weight of something heavy or hard, alone.
It is probably not thinking no one else can relate.
It is probably not stuffing pain down deeper.

I think God has given me an ability to relate and to empathize. He has given me a way to connect with others, even if I haven't shared their experience. He has given me a burden for those in isolation. He has given me words to encourage and support. And he has given me people who are willing do to the same for me, even when I am too prideful to ask for it.

Last night was a sweet reminder from God that while it might not be a salary role, being present in a way that can bring light, hope and known-ness (yes, I made that up), is much of what I am made for and I am confident God will use this desire. That sweet reminder was so humbling and brought much needed connection with God.

Without trying to sound like a crazy on the internet, if you are reading this and know you have something you need to share with someone, please do! Pick someone safe and be known in your hurt/struggle/doubt. Or, send me an email! We may not know each other (or maybe we do) but I would be happy to tell you, "You are not alone" and send encouragement your way.

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