Thursday, October 13, 2016

Pumpkin Spice Lattes with a side of shame.

Do you ever think about the things you love because you are influenced by culture? New trends, certain stores, decor styles, etc.

What about the things you deny enjoying?

Yes, this post is about Pumpkin Spice Lattes.

But it is really about Shame.

Today while I was serving coffee a young woman came in and got nervous. It was her first time and she saw the promo for the Pumpkin Latte. She got really awkward and proclaimed,
"You have to order 1 right?" She had shame in her voice.
You probably know I love all things pumpkin. I quickly responded with,
"Oh, girl. It is good. No need to be ashamed."
But she had to continue, "But it's so..." I was quick with, "It is not basic. I don't know where that started but forget that."

I know, it is just a fall drink. But I felt sad for her. I felt sad that she had been told it is "Basic" to enjoy Pumpkin drinks. And she fell for it. But I felt sad wondering what else she had fallen for. What have I fallen for?

I've taken a few personality tests recently. I love these! I think they are so interesting. But I also hate them. Sometimes I read way too into them. I wonder if the cons outweigh the pros. I wonder If the traits are really me or if they are a response to events in my life. I wonder if the results are who I want to be.

I took a short version of the DISC test recently. I am a high D (driven). Here are some of the descriptive words of a D:
Aggressive, authoritative, controlling, crafty, intense, self-sufficient, doer, thick-skinned...

My first thoughts?
"Wow, these are very negative qualities."
"I wonder how many people don't like me because of these."
"Let me find some positive angles here."
"Oh, my poor husband."

Let me be the first to say there are downsides to my personality. But the good news is the same is true for each of us.

But do you know why these feel negative to me? I've been told they are. Intentional or not, I've been shamed for the way I am. Oh the things I have heard over time:
"You're too strong-willed for a guy to approach (when I was single)."
"Superiors will have a hard time with such a strong willed female employee."
"You're too intimidating."
"If you want it done, ask Phylicia." (sure, let me be the task robot).
"I can't believe you shared that." (Yup, I said what y'all were thinking).

I am sure these have all been true. But that doesn't make them truth.

A designer bag doesn't make you valuable.
A failed relationship doesn't make you a failure.
Being able to speak up doesn't make you a bitch.
Loving pumpkin things doesn't make you basic.
Being abused doesn't make you deserving of abuse.
Loving alone time doesn't make you a loner.
Being outgoing doesn't make you obnoxious.

I could go on and on.

But the point: Don't believe everything you are told; everything you hear.

How much time do we spend wishing we we're different, wishing we had what they 'seem to' have on Instagram and missing out on something we enjoy because someone placed a label somewhere?

Order that Pumpkin Latte
Pursue that career even though there are little to no women at the top
Learn something new because you want to
Defy the odds
Graduate even though no one in your family has
Stay home with your kiddos and know the incredible impact you are making
Pursue work outside the home and know the incredible impact you are making
Wear that outfit even though it is not "in"
Be content with less

I am not sure what it is for you. But friend, please don't let shame be the voice you hear. Challenge that voice. Choose to listen to truth said in love. Choose to listen to trusted sources. Choose to hear your soul.

And order that Pumpkin Latte (if you want to, that is).

There is nothing basic about my love for all things pumpkin.

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