Monday, May 31, 2010

It is by Grace.

"When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and I get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. Ia m trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer." Brennan Manning - The Ragamuffin Gospel.

"Grace is opposed to what is owed." Romans 4:4.

Ian just gave me The Ragamuffin Gospel as another one of the books I need to read. I am hoping to have more time to read and get through a whole book.

Grace is something that is skewed in my view so I could use a refresher in what it means in my life and how to live it out. In honestly, I am good at doing. Helping, taking on a task, being committed, 'serving'. But I am not good at just being. I feel the need to earn people's affection and show the 'best' part of me and I guess I often think that comes out in things I can 'do' for others. This causes me to seek affirmation in an unhealthy way and to have unrealistic expectations of others based on what I expect of myself. Then I am reminded of what God expects and desires and it is much different than what I've been operating in. I don't have to present myself as better to Him. I don't need to sway His view. I am a bundle of paradoxes. It all depends on the day. But no matter what state I am in He is love, He is grace and He desires to do life with me. I mean, He gave His so I could go through all this and learn what it means to accept His grace over and over.

What is Grace right now in your life?


All I know is each day the sun sets and I awake to a new day to be free, alive and me.. who ever that is.. with Him.

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